With a world in crisis and an art market spinning out of control, ace art-world consultants Chen & Lampert deliver hard truths in response to questions sent by Art in America readers from far and wide.
I consider myself an artist even though I didn’t go to art school. Nothing is more soul satisfying than losing myself while painting and sculpting. Supportive friends and family tell me I should be showing in galleries or museums, but I read art magazines and websites and know it isn’t so easy. I’d love more opportunities to exhibit, but I just don’t have art world dreams. My work is distinctive, though I don’t want to be called an “outsider” or something, because that is not how I see myself. Why does everyone think that you have to be in the system in order to be a legitimate artist? Should I be trying harder to turn my passion into a career?
The template for our column dictates that this response should be two to three paragraphs long. Just saying “no” and jumping to the next question would throw off the feng shui of things. To avoid that, we will round out our answer—which is indeed an all caps NO—with calming art-specific mantras to repeat in moments when others are stressing you out about their desires for your work and life. Some of these could also serve as snappy comebacks, which makes for a sweet two-fer.
I am an artist, dammit.
Damn you, I am an artist.
Ain’t none of your damn business—I’m an artist.
You don’t need to like my art to love my style.
I am my own worst critic—who needs others?
Respect my art or please depart.
My art should be appreciated, not depreciated.
I make art for me first, and you second.
I am my own best collector.
There is no me in “art market.”
Keep your opinion-hands off my art-body.
Conceptual art, invisible career.
Sculpt to live, live to sculpt.
Silence the cynic, paint with acrylic.
Honk if you’re an artist (make honking noise).
I am an executive assistant at a museum that unionized two years ago. My boss is in upper management and cannot be in our union. He is genuinely pleasant, and I enjoy working for him. At the same time, I watch him take administrative actions that repeatedly undermine our long-negotiated contract. I feel like I should report him to our union representative, but doing so will create tension in an otherwise amiable office environment. Also, I hate feeling like I’m being a spy. Should I call him out?
Go buy a snarling rat figurine and place it on your boss’s desk. Look chagrined and plead ignorance when he asks you how it got there, but suggest that it could be related to recent office chatter about discriminatory layoffs and scab hiring. Wait a week and then put a large rat doll next to his desk. Express shock and dismay alongside him, and convince your boss that you are on his side by saying that, while defecating in the bathroom, you overheard a few people griping about pay disparity. If that doesn’t prod him to change his ways, arrange for a bunch of angry brothers and sisters from your local to blow up Scabby, the giant inflatable rat, on the sidewalk outside the office. What other option do you have? Ramping it up this way will circumvent direct conflict and keep the heat off you. Rowdy sidewalk hectoring will be much more effective than snitching to HR, since they are in on the racket too.
Your queries for Chen & Lampert can be sent to hardtruths@artinamericamag.com
